


To lose a love that finders keep

by rufflefeather



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M, Prostitution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-06
Updated: 2012-03-06
Packaged: 2017-11-01 14:03:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/357654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rufflefeather/pseuds/rufflefeather
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the First time fest.</p>
<p>Prompt: HOOKER!Merlin</p>
<p>modern AU or canon. First time Merlin sells himself. pairing of your choice. </p>
<p>Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally comment fic, so please excuse any mistakes. I will clean this up some day. (haha right)

It had been an uncommonly pleasant evening.   
  
  
Considering the money that exchanged hands at the beginning of it, anyway. And the awkward silence in the car toward the company dinner. Merlin had had to stop himself from pressing his palms against the trousers of his freshly pressed suit and wrinkling it before they’d even stepped through the doors. He knew he was supposed to make easy conversation, be a bit suave about it. He’d imagined he’d be a bit James Bond.   
  
 _My name is Emrys. Merlin, Emrys._    
  
He’d give his client a lopsided grin, hold out a pale hand and shake it with a -  
  
 _Pleasure to meet you, you look absolutely stunning._  
  
Only, the problem had been, that Arthur had looked absolutely stunning. So Merlin had swallowed loudly and said -   
  
“Um. Hello. I’m Merlin.”  
  
Arthur had raised an eyebrow and looked him up and down.  
  
“Hello Merlin, nice to meet you,” he had said, as if he wasn’t entirely sure of his own statement. Then, he had invited Merlin in, and waited. And when Merlin hadn’t asked for his money, Arthur had rolled his eyes in a fashion that had no right, _no right_ , to look so attractive.  
  
Then, he’d stuffed the cash in Merlin’s hand and opened the door again, casually slinging his jacket over his shoulder with a -   
  
“Shall we?”  
  
Merlin had nodded and followed him out.  
  
He had imagined he’d lean over the bar, maybe check out the crowd and then lean over, say -   
  
“You are the most gorgeous person in here,”   
  
To then order a martini.  
  
 _Shaken, not stirred._  
  
Only, there had been no bar. Instead the waiters had come around to the crispy white tables, silent as ghosts, not to disturb the Charity speakers on the stage at the front of the ballroom.   
  
He’d ordered orange juice.  
  
Arthur had laughed, softly.  
  
He’d imagined he’d charm everyone with one bat of his eyelashes if they approached Arthur to find out who he was. He’d be casual, maybe kiss the women on the cheek and give the men a firm handshake. Instead he’d flushed furiously when a woman so beautiful it was frightening, called across the room -   
  
“So Arthur, is this your new boyfriend?”  
  
He had expected Arthur to cringe, but instead he had just smiled and said -   
  
“Morgana, this Merlin. Merlin, this is my half-sister, Morgana.”  
  
He might have muttered a  _mmmullo_. She had laughed, and walked away. Merlin sent a heartfelt prayer to gods he hadn’t believed in since he found out Santa Clause wasn’t real, to open up a hole and swallow him, one way ticket to hell.   
  
But Arthur had just smiled, as if he thought it was perfectly normal for Morgana to have that effect on people.  
  
After that, Arthur had put a gentle hand on Merlin’s shoulder, or the small of his back, every time someone needed introducing. He did it with such ease, was so courteous, Merlin slowly relaxed, until his palm were no longer swimming. He felt like he might be doing his job of escort for the evening all wrong though.  
  
And then he’d found out the man beside him, Lance-something-or-other, was a biochemistry graduate, the exact field Merlin had to drop out of, and they spent the next two hours discussing genetics.  
  
Until he guiltily remembered Arthur had forked out cash to be entertained and not have him entertain other people.  
  
Oh God.  
  
He went pale, and Lance frowned.  
  
“Merlin?” he asked, in a tone that had Arthur turn away from his own conversation. “Are you all right?”  
  
“I- excuse me for a moment,” he said, whispered a, “I’m so sorry,” in Arthur’s ear and fled for the bathrooms.  
  
James Bond would never have fled for the bathrooms.

 

He ran the tap and held his hands under the cold water until he lost all feeling in them.  
  
“Merlin?” Arthur stood in the door, and at seeing him in front of the mirror, allowed it to fall shut behind him. “What’s the matter.”  
  
“I suck at this,” Merlin told his reflection. “I’m so sorry Arthur, I’ll give you your money back.”  
  
“What? Why?” Arthur stepped closer, turned off the tap and shoved a stack of paper towels in his hands. When Merlin did nothing but stare at them, he tutted and began drying Merlin’s hands.   
  
“Now,” he said, throwing the paper in the bin. “Tell me what is wrong.”  
  
“I - I’m an awful-,” he lowered his voice, “escort. I’ve been doing all the wrong things and I just don’t know how to do this. Here,” he reached into his pocket but Arthur’s hand curled around his wrist.  
  
“Merlin,” he said, in a tone of voice that demanded he listened. So he looked at Arthur, shocked to find he was actually a little taller. “It’s been a pleasant surprise having you here tonight. This is the first time I’ve felt like I am out with a normal human being, and not a man who thinks he either has to charm the pants off anyone in the room, or thinks he has to make me feel like I am Cinde-fucking-rella.”  
  
Merlin snorted.  
  
“I’m not kidding. I want this to be as low fuss and as normal as possible, and talking to other people is what people who date do on occasions like this. In fact, this might be the first time Morgana will not call me tomorrow and yell at me for hiring yet another escort.”  
  
Merlin could only swallow.  
  
“Come on,” he said. “Let’s go back. But oh,” he stopped, one hand on Merlin’s shoulder and one on the door handle. “If you feel the need to look like you’ve just had the life snogged out of you, I won’t complain.”  
  
  
Merlin laughed, the sound startling himself as well as Arthur, whose eyes widened momentarily. Then he laughed too, his grip on Merlin’s shoulder tightening slightly.  
  
It was easy after that, to talk to Arthur through dessert. He found out Arthur was the son of some big shot business man, and would be very wealthy one day. He also found out he was a little lonely because of it. Not that he wanted for attention. They were interrupted by men and women alike, all night long. More than once Merlin felt like saying -  
  
 _Let’s go somewhere quiet._  
  
Before he remembered he wasn’t actually on a date.   
  
He found himself smiling at Arthur more than he should, and he often lifted his eyes to find Arthur staring at him.  
  
  
“Why do you do this?” Arthur asked him in the silence of the car, parked in front of Arthur’s apartment. “I mean-“  
  
Merlin knew what he meant, he didn’t say anything.  
  
“I mean, you are obviously intelligent. I couldn’t understand half of the things you and Lance were talking about. You could do so much. Why are you-,” his voice trailed off. Merlin stared out of the window. “I’m sorry. It’s none of my business.”  
  
He sounded so sincere, so apologetic, that Merlin found himself answering.  
  
“I lost everything,” he whispered, daring a glance at Arthur who played with his keys before he looked out of the window again. His breath fogged up the glass. “There was this thing. With a professor. He, well. Things happened. He - I really thought he cared but,”  _Shit_ , why was it still so hard to talk about this? “He chickened out, was afraid I would spill the beans. He was married you see. He presented evidence to the board that I had cheated on my exams. I was expelled. Lost my scholarship, my housing, everything.”  
  
“But why turn to this?” Arthur asked. His hand twitched, hovered over Merlin’s leg but he changed his mind.   
  
“I was working a nightshift at a store and this woman, she, well, asked if I would be interested in earning a ton more money. And who isn’t right?” Merlin laughed, but there was no humor in it. “I’m sorry,” he said for the second time that night. “I told you I’m not very good at this.”  
  
Arthur cleared his throat. “Are you coming up?” he asked, indicating his front door.  
  
“It’s what you paid for,” Merlin tells him softly, and he shivers. Arthur looks like he is about to say something but just opens his door and walks around the car to open Merlin’s.

“Why do  _you_  do this?” he asked, as he watched Arthur shrug out of his jacket and loosen his tie and cuffs. “I mean, dates must line up for you at every street corner.”  
  
Arthur grinned. “They do, as a matter of fact. But I never know if they are there for me, or for my money. With you, I know for certain.”  
  
It made Merlin cringe and he looked away.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Arthur said. “I didn’t mean it like that.”  
  
“It’s the truth though,” Merlin told him.   
  
“Still. I’m not improving matters.” Arthur put a hand on either one of Merlin’s shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes. “Am I allowed to kiss you?”  
  
Merlin should say no. Company policy. And he was fairly certain Arthur knew this. Maybe that was why he ended up nodding. Or maybe it was just because he really wanted to kiss Arthur right then.  
  
It wasn’t a soft brush of lips. It wasn’t a careful exploration for a first time. It was a straight to the point snog, with Arthur’s tongue warm in his mouth and he curled his own around it as if they’d been doing this forever. As if they fit, perfectly.   
  
Arthur moaned in his mouth and reached for Merlin’s shirt, popping ever single button without ever breaking their kiss. He slipped his hands beneath it, they felt velvety on Merlin’s skin, until he reached around to the small of his back and pulled him closer. Merlin startled at the feel of Arthur’s erection pressing against his hip, and his breath left him completely.  
  
“What’s wrong?” Arthur asked, moving his mouth from Merlin’s lips to his throat.   
  
“I haven’t actually done this before,” Merlin whispered. He immediately wished for that gaping hole in the ground again because Arthur jerked away from him.  
  
“You’re a  _virgin_?” Arthur practically shouted, his eyes wide.  
  
Merlin snorted, and rolled his eyes. “No of course not. What I mean is, you are my first… client. I’ve never- this is, well.”  
  
“Oh,” Arthur said, and a slow smile curled around his mouth, before he stepped closer again, hands on Merlin’s hips and guiding him to where he liked it. Which was flush against him with his tongue in Merlin’s mouth. “Then let’s pretend,” Arthur murmured against the skin of Merlin’s shoulder as he carefully peeled his shirt further down, “no money exchanged hands at the beginning of this evening.”  
  
“Okay,” Merlin said hoarsely, letting his head fall back so Arthur could tongue at the dip between his collarbones as he tugged the shirt off his arms. “I can do that.”  
  
He slowly undid Arthur’s tie, wrapping both ends around his hands so he could tug him close before letting it flutter to the ground. He had undressed men before of course, but somehow, this was different. Ever button loosened, every inch of skin exposed only made him hungry for more, until he was tugging Arthur’s shirt out of his trousers and practically ripping it off his back. They stood looking at each other for a moment and Merlin felt a little overwhelmed by Arthur’s beauty. He bit down on his lip before he said something really stupid.  
  
In any case, Arthur seemed to like what he saw too, because one moment they weren’t touching and the next Merlin was pressed against the wall. Arthur started pulling at his belt, undoing it with deft fingers so he could reach Merlin’s zip.  
  
“Don’t you have a bed?” Merlin panted, because he was very close to losing his mind completely.  
  
“Beds are boring,” Arthur whispered in his ear before licking it. “At least here I can see you. Shoes.”  
  
“What?” Merlin blinked.  
  
“Take off your shoes.”  
  
He must have done what Arthur said, even though he couldn’t quite recall it, because a few seconds later he was completely naked, his trousers and boxers fluttering to a heap by their sides.  
  
“Not fair,” Merlin complained, tugging at Arthur’s trousers. But Arthur laughed, and pinned Merlin’s hands above his head, before he started to work his way down with his mouth.

They must have made it to the bed at some point, because when Merlin woke up, he was wrapped in Arthur and his duvet, the bedside clock telling him it was three am. He closed his eyes and shifted a little, Arthur’s arm immediately tightening around him. If he turned his head, he’d be able to press a kiss against his temple. He didn’t.  
  
Images of the previous night kept assaulting his mind. Arthur’s mouth going  _everywhere_ , his hands reverent, as if they were actually lovers instead of Merlin being an upscale (but not very good) prostitute. Merlin spread over the kitchen table, and Arthur looking at him like he was starved and Merlin was dinner. And then the way Arthur had whispered his name around his orgasm over and over again, as if Merlin's name had always belonged in that moment.  
  
It made Merlin’s throat seize up.  
  
He shifted again. And this time Arthur didn’t move.  
  
Ten minutes later he was dressed and standing over the kitchen counter wondering what to write.   
  
 _I’m sorry? Again?  
  
I had a great time, thank you?  
  
Please take me in your home and let’s have the best sex ever for the rest of our lives because I think I might be a bit in love with you?_  
  
Merlin snorted to himself, but his eyes stung none the less.  
  
“Don’t go.”  
  
Merlin spun on his heels. Arthur was leaning against the wall. He looked like Merlin felt.  
  
“I have to,” Merlin told him softly.  
  
“We can pretend,” Arthur said, taking one step closer. “For just a little longer.” He reached for Merlin who wanted nothing more than close the gap between them and be wrapped in those arms again.  
  
“You know I shouldn’t. It will only make it harder, tomorrow morning. And I don’t think I can-,” he didn’t finish his sentence. He turned around and scribbled something down.  
  
“Promise me you won’t read that until I’m gone,” he whispered. Arthur nodded, but when Merlin walked past him he closed his hand around his wrist. Arthur pulled him closer, stroked his cheek with his knuckles and leaned in. Merlin closed his eyes. One more kiss. What harm could one more kiss do? If he could just have that then-.  
  
He sighed and turned away, closing the door behind him. Because he knew if he could just have that, then he’d be breaking his own heart agonizingly slowly.  
  
  
  
  
 _If there is one thing with you that I can’t do, it is pretend._  
  
There was a pile of money beneath the note.  
  
  
  
  
  
[Fin]


	2. Part Two

Arthur was hiding behind his dessert menu. Or maybe not so much hiding, as trying to steal surreptitious glances at a guy at the next table, who was obviously too gorgeous for his own good, and didn’t he know it.  
  
He didn’t really fancy dessert, but he knew Morgana, who was powdering her nose - whatever that meant -, wouldn’t want to eat hers alone. From behind the leather bound page he could see a shape joining the man and Arthur cursed his luck. Of course this guy would have a date.  
  
“My name is Smith,” he heard the shape say, “John Smith.” Arthur dropped his menu as well as his jaw and stared.  
  
The good looking guy laughed. “Like the Doctor?” he said while rising to his feet. “Not a very original alias. I’m Gwaine, please sit down.”  
  
“Merlin?” Arthur said hoarsely, before he could stop himself. Both men turned toward Arthur, who stood.  
  
“Now there!” Gwaine said, slapping a hand on the table with a broad grin. “Much more original.”  
  
“Oh no,” Merlin whispered, sinking into his chair. “Arthur.”  
  
Arthur opened his mouth, about to demand all the things he had no right in demanding, but Merlin held up a hand.  
  
“Arthur, please don’t. I’m here on a- on a date.”  
  
Arthur snorted, couldn’t help himself, but Gwaine gripped Merlin’s shoulder. “You guys obviously need a minute. I’ll be right back.”  
  
“I’m sorry,” Merlin said, and cringed.  
  
“That’s all right,” Gwaine mock whispered, bending low to Merlin’s ear. “I think jealous ex boyfriends are a real turn on.”  
  
Merlin looked good. Damn it. The suit he was wearing this time obviously a better fit than the one Arthur had seen him in. And out of. Merlin tugged at his tie and Arthur wanted to slap his hand away.  
  
“I searched for you,” he said, which was absolutely not what was meant to come out of his mouth.  
  
“I know,” Merlin said, his face a picture of misery as he leaned over and took a gulp from Gwaine’s glass of wine.  
  
“You know?”  
  
“Yeah. Morgause, my boss, told me you called.”  
  
“She said no Merlin Emrys worked at the Labyrinth. And then I was asked politely to no longer solicit their services!”  
  
“Um yeah. I heard about that too.” Merlin started to look a little hot. “I eh- was a bit worse for wear after our… meeting. I didn’t tell Morgause what happened but she sort of assumed the worst.”  
  
“Oh that’s just fantastic,” Arthur hissed, a wave of inexplicable anger washing over him. “Fucking fantastic.”  
  
“Arthur I’m-“  
  
“Sorry, yeah. I hear you say that a lot.”  
  
He looked up to see Morgana and Gwaine appear out of the restrooms at the same time and grabbed his wallet. He threw a wad of cash on his own table and told Morgana-  
  
“We’re leaving.”  
  
At the same time she said: “Wait Arthur isn’t that- ?” before being dragged away by the elbow, with a frightening smile on her face.  
  
“Arthur,” Morgana began in a tone of voice he knew would not allow for dismissal. “Wasn’t that the guy from the Charity dinner a few months ago?”  
  
“Yes it was, doesn’t matter. Come on.” He opened the passenger door of his car, tipped the valet God knows how much and drove off.   
  
He knew he looked absolutely ridiculous and stubborn in refusing to answer any of Morgana’s question as they grew more and more exasperated until he practically shoved her out of his car near her front door and she called him a -  
  
“Childish, spoiled brat, no wonder Merlin broke up with you.”  
  
He did wait until she was safely inside before driving off.

Arthur didn’t think of Merlin for weeks after that. Or at least that is what he fooled himself into believing because the truth was, he still couldn’t walk past his kitchen table without seeing Merlin stretched out on it, beautiful and pliant beneath his hands. It was ridiculous really. Nothing but a one night stand with a bloody  _escort_  of all things, but to Arthur it had felt a little like coming home.   
  
He’d had laughably romantic notions for weeks after that night. Merlin returning on his doorstep, Merlin changing jobs, going back to school, doing anything but selling himself. Stupid. Utterly stupid.   
  
He buried himself into work, and went to the next company party on his own. And if he still felt a little breathless whenever he caught sight of a thin, dark haired man, no one needed to know.  
  
“Ah Lance,” he said, when a knock on his office door startled him from his thoughts. “Come in.”  
  
“I was wondering if you’d be up for a game of squash on Friday?” Lance asked him, dropping a pile of papers in his inbox.  
  
“Yeah, sounds good, I’ll pick you up at six?”   
  
“Excellent, I’m off for the night. See you tomorrow.”  
  
“Sure.” Arthur watched him go. Lance had only asked about Merlin once, a few weeks after the dinner. He had wanted to know if they were still seeing each other. Arthur had said no, and that was that. He leaned back in his chair, wondering when this absurd infatuation would pass.  
  
It didn’t. Wednesday attached itself to Thursday with a sleepless night and an unsatisfying wank in the shower. Morgana practically saved his life on Friday by preventing him from cocking up a research proposal they’d been working on for months. He didn’t know what was worse, having to be grateful to Morgana or suffer through her long, understanding looks.  
  
“Just call him then,” she said, as he gathered his stuff. “If it means that much to you.”  
  
“I can’t.”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“I don’t have his number.”   
  
He left the office before she could say anything else.   
  
Arthur quickly picked up his gear at his apartment and drove on to Lance’s place. It would do him good to work up a sweat and think of nothing but kicking someone’s butt at something he was good at for a change. Only, when he arrived at Lance’s house, Arthur nearly drove into the car he was trying to park behind.   
  
The front door opened and out stepped Lance and Merlin. Merlin looked very different, with his windswept hair and wearing a hoodie and jeans. But Arthur would recognize him anywhere, sadly enough. They shook hands, said something Arthur couldn’t hear and then Merlin swung his leg over an ancient looking bike and drove off. Lance closed his door and Arthur stared at the empty street Merlin disappeared in, clamping down on the urge to drive after him.  
  
After a long while, he shifted his bag from the front seat and went to knock on Lance’s door.   
  
“Hey Arthur, let me just grab my stuff and we’ll be on our way.” Lance disappeared down the narrow hallway for a moment and Arthur peered in, stupidly thinking he might find some clue as to what Merlin might have doing in this house.  
  
“You’re going to make me suffer aren’t you,” Lance said with a grin, when they climbed back into Arthur’s car. “I haven’t played in forever.”  
  
“Listen Lance,” Arthur began, because he couldn’t let it go. “When I arrived I thought, well - I thought I saw someone looking like Merlin cycling away.”  
  
“Oh,” Lance said, and Arthur glanced over but he didn’t look guilty, just a little concerned. “Yes. He’s one of my students.”  
  
“Your what?” Arthur demanded, his voice going soft. Lance gave him a curious look.  
  
“Yes. You know I teach evening classes at the university right?”  
  
“Yes, but-“  
  
“Well, Merlin is in my class. You told me you guys weren’t going out so I didn’t think it relevant. Is it relevant?”  
  
“No. No I suppose not. I’m just - a little surprised.”

“Yeah. He’s one of, if not the best of his year. It’s quite incredible, I don’t know how he does it. Had to come by tonight because he was working and would’ve missed a hand in date otherwise. Works two jobs I believe. He is quite brilliant.”  
  
“Brilliant. Yes.” Arthur said a little breathlessly.  
  
Arthur didn’t make Lance suffer. In fact Lance completely annihilated him and Arthur couldn’t bring it up to care. They parted ways with -   
  
“Good game.”  
  
And  
  
“Well played, better next time yeah?”  
  
But Arthur was already with his mind elsewhere.  
  
It took exactly seven days for Merlin to show up at his doorstep.  
  
“Merlin,” he said, when he opened the door. He wasn’t wearing a suit this time either, he looked rather tired. “Hi, please come in.” He tried not to sound too eager, and failed.  
  
“What the hell Arthur? It was you wasn’t it?”  
  
“I don’t know what you are talking about.” Arthur said, but his hands curled to fists by his side.  
  
“I know you paid my tuition. Why did you do that, Jesus Arthur! Couldn’t you just leave it alone?”  
  
“No,” Arthur said, softly. “I couldn’t.”  
  
“Damn it.” Merlin hissed, and he looked wretched. “Why?”  
  
“Won’t you come in?”  
  
“No.” Merlin stared down the hallway and his cheeks reddened. Arthur followed his gaze to the kitchen table. “I’m going to pay you back Arthur. I asked them to reject the payment, but they couldn’t. It will probably take me the whole two years I’m at university anyway, but I’ll pay you back.”  
  
“Merlin I don’t want you to, I just-“  
  
“What? What do you want Arthur? What do I owe you now?” Merlin demanded, his blue eyes dark in anger.  
  
“Nothing!” Arthur told him, feeling anger of his own beginning to boil in his chest. This wasn’t how he imagined it to go. “I don’t expect anything from you. I just thought maybe you could give up, -“  
  
Merlin’s face fell. “Give up being an escort you mean,” he finished.  
  
“Yeah, isn’t that what you want?” Arthur was beginning to feel mightily pissed off.   
  
“Yes of course it is, but not like this!” Merlin yelled at him. “Why did you have to do this? I can pay my own way!”  
  
Arthur barked out an ugly laugh. “Getting through college by being paid for shagging random strangers?”  
  
“You mean random strangers who pay my tuition fees?” Merlin said softly and Arthur nearly crumbled at the sight of the pain in his eyes. “Do you realize how cheap that makes me feel?”  
  
“Merlin, that is not how I meant-“  
  
“No, I’m sure it wasn’t.” Merlin turned away.  
  
“Don’t go,” Arthur said for a second time and Merlin’s face twisted.  
  
“I don’t fit into your world Arthur, I think we both know that now.”  
  
Arthur watched him walk away for a second time.

He saw Merlin twice over the next year, both times with Percy. Once, they stepped out of a pub to find Merlin and a man in an argument, and before either of them could do anything, Merlin received a well aimed punch to the face. Arthur started forward, blinded with rage, but Percy got there before him, dragging the guy, who was calling Merlin a filthy whore, away as if he weighed nothing. Arthur and Merlin stared at each other, Merlin through an already swelling eye and Arthur through a fog of regret, until Arthur turned and followed Percy.  
  
The second time, Merlin didn’t see him. He was sitting at a table near the window of a coffee shop, talking to a girl who looked absolutely lovely. He looked happy and it made Arthur’s chest ache.   
  
Arthur hated doing this to Percy. He absolutely hated himself for it because Percy was all anyone could ever want. He looked at Arthur the same way Arthur knew he had looked at Merlin once, but he still hadn’t been able to let go. So they said goodbye, and on top of the guilt and self loathing, he had to put up with Morgana’s opinion on what a fool he was.   
  
“You don’t deserve him,” she told him one night, after everyone had gone home.  
  
“I know.”  
  
“Oh Arthur.”  
  
He looked up at the sudden shift in her tone.  
  
“Please tell me that isn’t why you broke up with him?” She perched on the edge of his desk and put a hand in his hair like she hadn’t done for years. “Please tell me you didn’t break up with the man of everyone’s dreams because you are still hung up over a fantasy.”  
  
“It wasn’t a fantasy.”  
  
“He was an escort, Arthur. However he made you feel, it was his job.”  
  
“It wasn’t like that. Wait, I thought you didn’t know-“  
  
“No. I didn’t at first. But I worked it out after that night at the restaurant. Shit Arthur. You idiot. You poor, poor idiot.”  
  
“I know,” he sighed and didn’t resist when she hugged him.  
  
  
“ _Lance,_ ” someone hissed as Arthur was about to turn a corner. “You didn’t tell me you worked  _here_.”  
  
Arthur stopped in his tracks, because he knew that voice.  
  
“Is it a problem?” Arthur heard Lance ask, in his usual infuriatingly sensible voice.  
  
“I just-, I wouldn’t have-. Oh God, this is going to be a disaster.”  
  
“Nonsense. I assume you are talking about that one date you had with Arthur Pendragon. That was over a year ago Merlin, I assure you he will be completely professional about it.”  
  
“It’s not him I’m worried about,” Merlin murmured.   
  
It made Arthur grin like a loon.   
  
“Morning Lance,” he said, turning the corner. He meant to play it cool, be professional like Lance obviously believed he would be, but Merlin was staring at him with huge eyes that raked over his body once. He noticed that Arthur had seen it and a slow blush colored his cheekbones. It distracted Arthur of whatever else he was going to say.  
  
“Ah Arthur. You remember Merlin, of course. He’s to be the new intern," Lance said, eying them both curiously.   
  
“Yes. Yes of course,” he held out his hand, and Merlin took it in his. It was damp. “Welcome. I’m sure Lance will tell you all you need to know. If there are any problems, my office is just down the hall.”   
  
Merlin just kept staring at him.  
  
Arthur fled.

He chickened out of going to the cafeteria and had a sandwich brought to his office, only to forget about it five minutes later. He was nursing a cold mug of coffee, doing absolutely nothing useful with his time when Lance knocked on his door.  
  
“Enter,” he called. Lance walked in, remained by the doorway and cleared his throat. Arthur looked up. “Something wrong?”  
  
“I, um-“ Lance looked around and then closed the door behind him. Arthur frowned, it wasn’t like him to look so uncomfortable. “I don’t want to overstep my boundaries-“ he said.  
  
“Merlin,” Arthur guessed, only just suppressing a sigh.   
  
“Yes. It’s just, I think you should talk to him?”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“He wants to leave. He says he can’t work here.” Lance sighed and stepped toward Arthur’s desk, to sink into one of his chairs. He looked utterly defeated. “Look. I don’t know what happened between you, or why he is so adamant in believing you’ll not want him here, and it isn’t any of my business, but Merlin deserves this chance more than anyone else I know. He is the brightest student I have ever come across in all my years of teaching. Arthur,” he waited until Arthur looked him in the eye. “He finished two years of college in one year while working two jobs and held the highest marks all the way through. He is a good person through and through. I wouldn’t ask this of you otherwise, but please put your animosity aside and give him a chance.”  
  
Arthur wanted to scream. Wanted to yell  _what animosity? I have loved him from the moment I saw him!_  But that would be utterly preposterous. He had barely seen him twice in a whole year.   
  
“Send him in,” he sighed, sounding defeated, rubbing his eyes.  
  
“Thank you Arthur, I mean it.”  
  
Arthur stood and poured out his cold coffee, refilling the mug slowly. He stared at his hands for a while, and then out over the city, his mind completely blank. The summer was a sweltering one, and to make it worse the building’s air conditioning had died three days ago. Arthur had yelled at various people since his office was on the top floor and resembled a sauna. His shirt was already sticking to his back, and the warmest part of the day was yet to come.   
  
“Arthur?”  
  
He turned around and his breath caught in his throat again.  
  
“I’m sorry, I knocked, I just- you didn’t hear.”  
  
“No it’s fine, Merlin. Please come in.”  
  
“I’ve only come to tell you I don’t want this job,” Merlin said. He pulled at the cuffs of his shirt, looking stubborn.  
  
“Merlin.”  
  
“No, I mean it. I don’t want any of your charity. I’ve only come to give you this.” He threw an envelope on the desk.  
  
“What is it?” Arthur asked, sinking down in his chair.  
  
“A check. That makes us even now, and keep the job.”  
  
“Merlin don’t be foolish. You won’t find an internship like this anywhere else in this city. Stop ruining your own life.” For a moment he imagined he didn’t just want to keep Merlin here, but wanted him to be all right. To be what he could be. Even if Arthur couldn't have him.  
  
“I won’t come to work everyday feeling out of place,” Merlin said, his brow pulled together. “I won’t have people talking behind my back about why I am here. What I used to do. They’ll all think I am here because of you and I want to make my own way. It’s not like you really want to be reminded do you Arthur? Of how you slept with a prostitute? Of how you sunk so low?” His eyes flickered in defiance and Arthur lost his temper.

“Merlin, will you shut the fuck up for a minute?! You are the one who insisted that you didn’t fit into my world. You are the one that kept walking away. Don’t you understand that it isn’t who you are, that I have a problem with? It was the thought of you being touched by all those other people while I couldn’t have you!”  
  
Arthur instantly stilled. He hadn’t meant to give so much away. The air around them sounded too quiet after his outburst. They both jumped at the sudden rumble of the air conditioning returning to life and Merlin gave a heartfelt -  
  
“Thank fuck for that.”  
  
Arthur laughed softly, dropping his forehead into his palms. “Oh Merlin,” he said. “You can work here, of course you can and no one will find out anything about you that you won’t tell them yourself. You don’t even have to see me if you don’t want to, Lance will be all the help you need. Just, don’t give up this chance over something that happened over a year ago.”  
  
“I didn’t, you know,” Merlin said, his voice gentle but Arthur startled anyway, because he sounded much closer. He was leaning against the desk, his eyes locking into Arthur’s when he lifted his head. “After you-, I couldn’t do it. I picked clients up at the front door and left them there too.” He gave a derisive little laugh, but continued. “The money wasn’t as good obviously, but I just couldn’t do it. Not after-“  
  
He held Arthur’s gaze for a long moment.  
  
“Anyway. It is all in the past now.” He pushed himself away from the desk. “I’ll be seeing you around then, won’t I?”  
  
“Yes,” Arthur told him and he couldn’t help grinning. “Yes you will.”

It was surprisingly easy to get used to seeing Merlin every day at the office. Soon everyone knew him and liked him, and Arthur felt silly for going out of his way to avoid him. He began eating at the cafeteria again, and he stopped by Lance’s desk once a week to arrange their squash games.  
  
If it so happened that Arthur and Merlin were never alone in a room together, then it was purely coincidence.   
  
After one of his matches with Lance, Arthur had to return to work. Or rather, he didn’t feel like spending another Friday night alone in his apartment, so he bought chinese, popped a DVD into the television at his office, and started replying to long forgotten emails.  
  
“That’ll go cold you know.”  
  
Arthur was already grinning before he lifted his head to see Merlin leaning against the doorway.   
  
“What are you still doing here?” he asked.  
  
Merlin shrugged. “I had to finish some stuff off for Lance, since you dragged him away early.” He edged closer into the room. “So are you two-?” He let the question hang.   
  
“What me and Lance? No. No we’re not. Good friends, that’s all.”  _My only friend, really,_  he doesn’t add.   
  
“Are you planning on eating that?” Merlin waves his hand in the direction of the untouched food.  
  
“Why, you hungry?” Arthur grinned.   
  
“Always,” Merlin grinned back.  
  
“Then take a seat and tuck in.”  
  
Merlin moved forward but hesitated by the chair. “Actually,” he began, biting his lip. “I came here to tell you thank you, for cashing that check. It, it means a lot.”  
  
Arthur swallowed, reached for the remote and turned the TV down. “I finally understood how it must have seemed, to you. I never meant to make you feel like I was paying you for- for services. That night,” his voice dropped to a whisper. “That night meant a lot. I hope you know that.”  
  
Merlin sat down. He laid his hand flat on Arthur’s desk and slid it forward, until it almost touched Arthur’s fingers. “I know,” he whispered. “For me too.”  
  
The silence thickened and for a long time they listened to the hum of the air conditioning.   
  
“Well,” Arthur said, clearing his throat. “I was going to give you a big bonus at the end of the year anyway.”  
  
“You were?” Merlin’s eyes narrowed suspiciously.  
  
“Yes. Providing you came to work here permanently of course, and before you start-“ he held up a hand to stop Merlin’s protests, “it is Lance who has been bugging me to offer you the position. Nothing to do with me. He think’s your the best thing since sliced bread.”  
  
“Really?” Merlin asked him softly. His cheeks reddened prettily and a pleased smile played over his mouth.  
  
“Really,” Arthur said, clearing his throat again before he did something foolish, like take Merlin’s face in his hands and snog him senseless. “So shall we move to the couch, eat this food and watch that movie then?”  
  
“Sure,” Merlin grinned.  
  
“Great.”  
  
Only, when they sat side by side on the leather two-seater, the food on the coffee table in front of them, there was nothing great about it. Arthur felt immediately overwhelmed by Merlin’s familiar scent, the rustle of his shirt against his own, the way Merlin’s hands folded around a water bottle, twisting the cap with long fingers to bring it to his lips.  
  
“Shit,” Arthur hissed, rising to his feet and walking to the window again.  
  
“What is it? Arthur?”  
  
“Shit Merlin, I can’t do this.” He rubbed his hands over his face and stared at his reflection in the window. He looked awful.  
  
“Arthur.”   
  
Merlin sounded much closer and he could see him standing there behind him.  
  
“Do you want me to leave?”  
  
“No,” Arthur whispered, and he leaned his head against the window, eyes closed, relishing the cool against his forehead. “Don’t you see Merlin? I never wanted you to leave, I still don’t want you to leave. I don’t know why, but there it is. This entire time, you were all I thought about. Every day.” His voice dropped even lower. “Every night.”

Merlin kissed just like Arthur remembered.   
  
Without uncertainty, without halting, as if he was hungry for it and had never tasted anything like Arthur.   
  
“God,” he was saying, his lips never leaving Arthur’s. “God me too, Arthur me too. I wanted… so much.”  
  
Arthur tangled his fingers in Merlin’s hair and pulled him closer, planning not to let go this time. Merlin moaned in his mouth, sucking deeply on Arthur’s tongue, who felt the pull somewhere in the depths of his stomach.  
  
He remembered everything, every single inch of him. How his skin had felt when he slipped the shirt off his shoulders, how his collarbones had tasted slightly of sweat and cologne, of how Merlin had shivered when Arthur ran his fingertips over his ribs.   
  
“Oh no,” Merlin said against his mouth, “not this time,” when Arthur reached for his belt. “I remember being the first one naked last time.” He tugged on Arthur’s tie until he was resting with his back against his desk and started to unbutton Arthur’s shirt agonizingly slowly. When he slipped the shirt off Arthur’s shoulders, Merlin hissed.  
  
“ _Arthur_ ,” he breathed, his voice hoarse. “When did you get  _this_?”  
  
“A few months ago,” Arthur said, his eyes not leaving Merlin’s face. “I was feeling a little… rebellious.”  
  
“Well, I’d say you were.” Merlin said, and he couldn’t lift his eyes from Arthur’s chest.  
  
“Do you like it?” Arthur asked, starting to feel a little worried.  
  
“Do I just.” Merlin whispered, then bent down, completely forgetting about his quest to get Arthur out of his clothes first as he closed his lips around Arthur’s pierced nipple, tongue playing with the ends of the small barbell. Arthur cried out at the sensation, gripping Merlin’s head and pulling it closer.  
  
“Does that feel good?” Merlin asked, looking up.  
  
“Fuck yes,” Arthur murmured. “I had no idea.”  
  
“You mean no one-“  
  
“No. No one.”  
  
Merlin’s eyes glistened and he started to lick around the piercing again, his tongue dragging slowly over it, before he took it in his mouth and sucked.   
  
“Shitshitshit,” Arthur groaned, gripping Merlin’s hips and pulling them flush against his own. “That feels amazing, Merlin, I’m going to have to - oh God - come back to my place, I don’t have any condoms here.”  
  
“That’s okay,” Merlin whispered, pressing slow kisses to Arthur’s neck. “We have all the time in the world for that later. Lie back.”  
  
He pushed against Arthur, until he was lying on top of his papers and goodness knows what else, and Merlin began to strip off his trousers, so he could touch Arthur anywhere he pleased.   
  
“Have you ever done this in here?” Merlin asked, with his hand around Arthur’s cock and his mouth still pressed around the piercing.  
  
“No,” Arthur moaned, because Merlin’s hands were doing wicked,  _wicked_  things to him and Arthur couldn’t quite believe he was lying so open and exposed in his own office, but he really didn’t find the strength to care. Not when Merlin had miraculously lost all of his own clothes and was now crawling on top of Arthur, with a look in his eyes that promised more wicked things to come.

The couch was too small, and Arthur’s neck was starting to cramp up, but Merlin was asleep against his chest, breathing deeply. His eyelashes curled invitingly against his cheeks, and Arthur felt a wave of affection so strong, it made him ache. He didn’t understand, even now, how it was possible to fall so hopelessly and fast, but fallen he had, and he wasn’t about to get up any time soon.   
  
“Are you going to disappear on me again Merlin?” he whispered. “Am I going to wake up tomorrow morning to find a note, and you gone?”  
  
He didn’t want to think about it, so he closed his eyes, and stroked Merlin’s hair until he fell asleep.  
  
When he woke up at six in the morning, he was alone in his office. Arthur stood, wrapping himself in the throw that had been carefully tucked around him and looked around for any sign of Merlin. There was none, apart from a note on his desk.  
  
He hardly dared to read it, and he stood all but trembling in the middle of his office, looking, he thought, like a pathetic naked, barefooted fool, until he told himself to get a grip. He lifted the note and read it.  
  
  
 _Gone to get coffee and muffins, am starving.  
  
Oh, and I accept the job.  
  
And anything else you have to offer. If you’ll have me._  
  
He stared at the note for a long time, until he heard the door open behind him.  
  
“So will you?” Merlin asked, putting the bag with food on the coffee table, beside the untouched chinese.  
  
Arthur spun around and wrapped his arms around Merlin, pressing his face into his neck, unable to say anything, hoping that Merlin wouldn’t feel the wetness in his eyes. Merlin wasn't fooled. He took Arthur's face in his hands and kissed his eyelids.   
  
"Hi," he whispered, his own cheeks tasting of salt. "My name is Emrys. Merlin, Emrys. I'll be your boyfriend for as long as you'll let me."  
  
  
  
[Fin]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Knitted unicorns are to blame for this, jsyk.


End file.
